I hate May.

I hadn't realized how hard this month would be until I got here. The entire month of May 2011 was one of the most traumatic of my life, and reliving all of those "anniversaries" this year was tougher than I anticipated. I mean, they're just dates, right? However, somehow just noting the dates has brought back the memories of how I felt on these same days last year:

May 10- Appointment to the doctor to have her examine the lump I found. Her urgency at getting me in for an ultrasound was the first clue something was amiss.

May 17- My ultrasound appointment led to an urgent, immediate mammogram and biopsy. Again, the speed at which the processed moved was unsettling, even though I had thought there was no chance it could be cancer.

May 24- I received the results of the biopsy: malignant. I remember nearly falling out of my chair in shock and fear.

May 25- Consultation with the breast surgeon where I learned I'd be in surgery within a week. More shock, fear and sadness.

May 31- A year ago today I had a complete mastectomy. It was terrifying, especially before I received the "lucky" news that the lymph nodes were clean. That day was so filled with worry, sadness, pain and loss. Although some of those feelings have diminished with time, they are sometimes still vivid, especially when passing this milestone date.

What has helped me emotionally cope with this month is the camaraderie of my fellow survivors in my breast cancer rehabilitation class. Oddly enough, most of these dates fell on Thursdays, which is the day the class meets. So it was truly a blessing that on most of those days I was surrounded by 9 other women who could completely understand!

The good news is that I made it through the month, in addition to having survived the last year. The results of my first yearly mammogram and ultrasound were clear. So I'm cancer free for the time being and can now call myself a cancer SURVIVOR. However, I wonder for how many years the month of May will be this difficult? Fortunately, I have a year before I have to think about it again. I'm so glad that this month is over and that tomorrow begins a new year!!!

New year, new "me" and a new guest post

Happy New Year!

Well, okay, the new year isn't so new anymore, but I hope the start of it bodes well for everyone. After returning to Finland from our trip to California for the holidays, we had a crippling bout with jet lag, and then I started my intensive Finnish course. So I haven't been able to get a new blog post up quite as soon after the start of the new year as I'd hoped.

The new year marks a new beginning for me. Now that cancer treatment is over, unless (heaven forbid!) the cancer recurs, I'm focusing on getting myself back into mental and physical shape and trying to make plans for the future. My two New Year's resolutions are to learn Finnish and lose weight/get in shape. Although this year is going to require a lot of hard work to achieve both those goals, I'm looking forward to the challenge. Since I have this opportunity to continue living and growing, I'm planning to make the best of it!

I think my biggest hurdle will be to learn Finnish. For all of my friends in Finland who have tried, you know how daunting it is. It's especially challenging for those of us who have been home with our kids, with whom we speak mostly English, and, therefore, outside of an environment (like work or school) where we can get regular opportunities to practice Finnish. As a native English speaker, I've been able to get by fairly well without having to speak Finnish since many Finns speak English well. However, if I'm going to live here long term and raise kids who also speak Finnish, I want to be able to get around in the native language and be able to understand what my kids say in Finnish!

So, as I mentioned in my December post, I took a placement test to try to get into the intensive Finnish course. Luckily, I got offered one of the limited spots- a great Christmas present! However, now the hard work has begun. The class is almost 5 hours per day, 5 days a week with an average of 2 hours of homework per night. Basically, it's a full time job. Since my last Finnish class was two years ago, and I've had a baby and cancer treatment during that time, I'm really struggling to remember everything. Every day is a grueling (often unsuccessful) attempt to get my brain to focus, learn, remember, think, and operate my mouth! However, I'm plodding ahead as best I can.

Although I've continued my Pilates classes as much as possible throughout treatment, I'm now going to require more exercise to be able to take off the weight I put on following my surgery and during chemotherapy. I haven't quite figured out how I'll juggle that with classes and kids, but I'm working on it. (If anyone wants to exercise with me, your company would be welcome!) In the meantime, I figure we can all use some inspiration to exercise more. So, I bring you a guest post...

David has been following my blog and is interested in the link between fitness and cancer treatment/recovery/recurrence prevention. So he asked if he could share an article with everyone else who reads my blog. Although most of you aren't cancer survivors yourselves, you may know someone else who is. In addition, the advice still applies to almost everyone. So please read, absorb and share.

Good luck to everyone on your own New Year's resolutions!

Staying Fit During Cancer- by David Haas

Living with cancers, such as mesothelioma or lung cancer, is a difficult process that many people need all the help they can to get through it. Being strong and positive is one of the best ways to survive and one of the best ways to stay strong and healthy during cancer is to stay fit. The benefits of fitness and helping to treat and live with cancer have been noted by a wide variety of sources.

For example, The Cancer Treatment Centers of America has stated, "Exercise-even minimal physical exertion-increases heart rate and muscle flexion, while boosting your body's tolerance to conventional bone care treatments such as chemotherapy." They are speaking specifically of bone cancer but this benefit should be available to all patients that are suffering from cancer.

Another major benefit is that it increases your health and helps you live longer and stronger. Obesity has been linked to increased risk of cancer, cancer death and recurrence after treatment. Staying fit helps keep you thinner, stronger and healthier. This helps increase your generalized life span after you have beat cancer.

A healthier body is more likely to be able to eliminate a recurrence of your cancer. Dr. Kerry Courneya of the University of Alberta in Edmonton, states , "Several recent studies suggest that higher levels of physical activity are associated with a reduced risk of the cancer coming back, and a longer survival after a cancer diagnosis."

Improved mental health is another link to increased fitness and cancer. People who exercise during cancer are taking control of their lives and eliminating the demand cancer places on the mind. Exercise endorphins will also help increase their mood, boost their self confidence and help reduce fatigue. Fatigue can make a person feel weak so eliminating this as much as possible can help a cancer patient feel stronger and happier.

These benefits can begin as quickly as 8 to 12 weeks after you begin exercising. A study done by doctor Matthew Buman of Standford University found that patients that included vitality boosting exercises into their life during treatment and increased fitness, vitality, perceived stress and fatigue. They found that sustaining this activity preserved the improvements for the entire length of the year based study.

Fitness during your treatments may seem difficult to start, due your pain and stress. Please talk to your doctor before beginning any exercise program.