I hate May.

I hadn't realized how hard this month would be until I got here. The entire month of May 2011 was one of the most traumatic of my life, and reliving all of those "anniversaries" this year was tougher than I anticipated. I mean, they're just dates, right? However, somehow just noting the dates has brought back the memories of how I felt on these same days last year:

May 10- Appointment to the doctor to have her examine the lump I found. Her urgency at getting me in for an ultrasound was the first clue something was amiss.

May 17- My ultrasound appointment led to an urgent, immediate mammogram and biopsy. Again, the speed at which the processed moved was unsettling, even though I had thought there was no chance it could be cancer.

May 24- I received the results of the biopsy: malignant. I remember nearly falling out of my chair in shock and fear.

May 25- Consultation with the breast surgeon where I learned I'd be in surgery within a week. More shock, fear and sadness.

May 31- A year ago today I had a complete mastectomy. It was terrifying, especially before I received the "lucky" news that the lymph nodes were clean. That day was so filled with worry, sadness, pain and loss. Although some of those feelings have diminished with time, they are sometimes still vivid, especially when passing this milestone date.

What has helped me emotionally cope with this month is the camaraderie of my fellow survivors in my breast cancer rehabilitation class. Oddly enough, most of these dates fell on Thursdays, which is the day the class meets. So it was truly a blessing that on most of those days I was surrounded by 9 other women who could completely understand!

The good news is that I made it through the month, in addition to having survived the last year. The results of my first yearly mammogram and ultrasound were clear. So I'm cancer free for the time being and can now call myself a cancer SURVIVOR. However, I wonder for how many years the month of May will be this difficult? Fortunately, I have a year before I have to think about it again. I'm so glad that this month is over and that tomorrow begins a new year!!!