Carpe Diem!

On the eve of my fifth chemotherapy treatment (of six), I'm trying to keep the dread at bay by reflecting on all the good and fun things I have done over the last three weeks. Some of the highlights were: the AWC Gourmet Group lunch, visiting my friend (who lives in Australia) while she was in transit through Helsinki-Vantaa, a trip to Linnanmaki, Stockmann's Crazy Days, two girls' nights out, a pedicure, Pilates, and several knitting groups, playgroups, and coffee and lunch dates.

A number of people have asked me why I try/how I manage to do so many things when I'm sick. The short answer is, "Because I can."

Those of you who read my previous blog entry know how unexpectedly horrific the last treatment was- both physically and mentally. I feel like I got a glimpse of what it might be like to be in solitary confinement because I couldn't go anywhere and couldn't do anything but lie in bed in the dark and stare at the ceiling. I was trapped in my misery and could not even escape my stressful thoughts.

Therefore, the last three weeks between treatments have felt to me like someone said, "Okay, we'll let you out of solitary for a few weeks, but then you have to come back." If it were you, what would you do? Would you spend those three weeks lying on the couch watching awful daytime television? It might be worth doing that for a day or so, but then my guess is that most people would do what I did: LIVE LIFE. Seize each day and make it count. That way, if/when I'm feeling miserable after this treatment, I can look back on all the fun I had and know I made the most of the time I had when I felt well. I can also look forward with the hope of doing more of those things once I get past the worst of it.

The funny thing is, this is actually how I used to live my life before I had a husband and kids. (It's just a whole lot harder to do when you have a family, a routine and commitments to other people...) Those of you who have known me since the pre-Gmail days know that my part of my email address used to be (and part of my Skype handle still is) "carpediemgirl." I really tried to seize every potentially good opportunity that came my way and pushed myself to experience life. In fact, it's that mentality that took me to Mozambique and then brought me to Finland.

While going through cancer treatment, I've generally felt totally unlike myself. However, this one aspect has reminded me of an important part of my real self that I need to reclaim and continue, even when the treatment is over. So I guess I have cancer to thank for reminding me to live life to the fullest while I still can. I'm hoping that, by reading this post, some of you will be convinced to do the same but without having to go through the cancer part!